Title: Difficult Conversations in the Workplace
1Difficult Conversations in the Workplace
2Discussion over Dinner
- What types of issues or situations have you found
to lead to difficult conversations in the
workplace? - What are some factors that can make these
conversations difficult? - Well start our large group discussion in
- about 15-20 minutes.
3Objectives
- To recognize common patterns of communication
that can produce difficult conversations and the
underlying factors that make them difficult. - To discuss and apply models for dealing with
difficult conversations with supervisors,
colleagues, and subordinates.
4Agenda
- Briefly discuss examples from groups
- Present models for handling difficult
conversations - Explore options for sample scenarios in small
groups and as a large group - Summarize strategies and problems to watch out
for
5Models and Related Strategies
- Getting to Yes
- Getting Past No
- Feedback Approaches
- Exchange Theory
- Learning Conversations
6Common Components of Successful Conversations
- Prepare, especially where to begin.
- Know your own interests and the essence of what
you need. - Anticipate (or find out) others interests.
- Focus on interests and behaviors, not
personalities. - Create an environment based on trust.
7Getting to Yes Strategy
- Separate People from the Problem
- Focus on Interests, not Positions
- Invent Options for Mutual Gain
- Use Objective Criteria
- Develop Your BATNA
- (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement)
8Getting Past No Strategy
- Go to the Balcony
- Step to Their Side
- Reframe
- Build Them a Golden Bridge
- Use Power to Educate
9Feedback/Learning Approach
- Focus on the situation, issue or behavior that
you hope will change. - Recognize accomplishments and effort.
- Frame comments in terms of perceptions and
potential consequences. - Be specific, future-oriented, and timely.
- Engage in joint problem solving.
10Avoiding Common Pitfalls
- When giving feedback
- Invite questions and clarifications maintain
two-way communication. - Acknowledge the others concerns listen for what
may be difficult for them to change. - Follow up to help them with new approaches
change is seldom straightforward.
11Avoiding Common Pitfalls
- When receiving feedback
- Listen calmly avoid over-explaining.
- Work hard to see the others perspective and ask
questions to clarify as needed. - Assume good intentions unless clearly proven
otherwise.
12Exchange Theory
- Assume the other is a potential ally.
- Clarify your goals and priorities.
- Diagnose your allys goals, concerns, and needs.
- Assess your resources relative to your allys
wants. - Diagnose your relationship with your ally (e.g.
do you need to prove your good intentions?). - Determine an exchange approach be prepared for
expectations of reciprocity. - See handout for examples of valued currencies
that can often be exchanged.
13Learning Conversations
- Analyze the difference in your view and the other
partys view of events. - Intentions
- Impact on the other
- Contributions to the difficulty
- Impact on identity
- Decide what you want to accomplish and whether
talking is the best way. - Start the conversation as the difference in your
perspectives and listen carefully. - Invent options to meet each partys important
concerns and interests.
14Sample Scenarios
- Each small group of 3-5 will have a scenario and
will be asked to consider - What could make this scenario difficult for each
of you in the group? - What range of strategies would the group consider
to handle it?
15Types of Scenarios
- You and a supervisor
- You as the supervisor
- You and a colleague/peer
- You as a member of a project team
- You negotiating in a difficult situation
16Consider for each scenario
- Have you had related experiences?
- Where might the conversation best begin?
- What would you watch out for in
- Word choice
- Tone of voice
- Nonverbal communication
17How do you let your boss know if you think he/she
is making an error?
18How do you give directions to a strong-willed
employee who insists on doing things his/her own
way and who often argues with you?
19How do you respond when a colleague believes you
are treading on his/her perceived turf, even when
the roles are ambiguous?
20How might you give unsolicited negative feedback
to someone on your project team who is making
others tasks more difficult?
21How could you negotiate (e.g. for a job or
promotion) when you cant or dont want to
compromise on one of their top priorities?
22Concluding Points
- Be aware of timing waiting to talk only helps a
difficult situation if the cause is likely to
change on its own. - Recognize the possibility of transforming
relationships trusting someone enough to talk
about difficult matters can lead to more
constructive interactions.
23Elements of Building Trust
- Take responsibility for your own actions.
- Stay interested in others without much
self-promotion. - Act to draw out the best in others.
- Appreciate and value differences.
- Tell the truth when it matters.