Conflict Management

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Conflict Management

• Candyce Reynolds, Ph.D..
• University Studies

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Conflict

• What is it?

3
Conflict

• Why do we do it?

4
Conflict

• Why do we care?

5
Goals for Today

• Understand the nature of conflict in human
  relationships
• Identify ways that conflict can be positive or
  negative
• Examine a framework for analyzing conflict
  situations
• Analyze a personal conflict

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What we know.

• Conflict is a naturally occurring phenomenon for
  human beings
• People do not get involved in conflict situations
  unless they have some stake in the relationship
  or outcome or both

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What we know.

• One can never truly resolve conflict, one can
  only manage conflict
• The costs of unmanaged conflict can be high, but
  the gains from using differences creatively can
  also be great
• Conflict can either be productive or
  dysfunctional

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First Trick for Conflict Management
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Know Yourself
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What feelings do you have when you are in
conflict situation?
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Common Feelings Associated with Conflict

• Anger
• Frustration
• Fear
• Excitement

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Common Actions Associated with Conflict

• Fight

• Flight

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Your History with Conflict

• How was conflict perceived in your
  family/community?
• How did your family/community deal with conflict?

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You can decide...

• Understanding the impact of your family and
  community on your ideas about conflict can allow
  you to make decisions about how you deal with
  conflict now
• We are our history
• We make our history

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What is your conflict style?
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Conflict Styles
R E L A T I O N S H I P
High Importance
3
5
4
2
1
High Importance
Low Importance
GOALS
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Conflict Styles
R E L A T I O N S H I P
High Importance
3
5
4
2
1--Turtle
High Importance
Low Importance
GOALS
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Turtle--Withdrawing

• Avoid conflict as all costs
• Give up their personal goals relationships
• Believe it is hopeless to try to resolve conflict
• Feel helpless
• Easier to withdraw than face conflict

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Conflict Styles
R E L A T I O N S H I P
High Importance
3
5
4
2--Shark
1
High Importance
Low Importance
GOALS
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Shark--Forcing

• Try to overpower opponents by forcing them to
  accept their solutions
• Not concerned with needs of others
• Do not care about how others perceive them
• Believe in winning and losing
• Winning gives them a sense of pride
• Try to win by attacking, overwhelming,
  intimidating others

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Conflict Styles
R E L A T I O N S H I P
High Importance
3--Teddy Bear
5
4
2
1
High Importance
Low Importance
GOALS
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Teddy Bear--Smoothing

• Relationships most important, goals of little
  importance
• Want to be accepted and liked by other people
• Believe conflict should be avoided in favor of
  harmony
• Fearful that conflict will hurt someone

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Conflict Styles
R E L A T I O N S H I P
High Importance
3
5
4--Fox
2
1
High Importance
Low Importance
GOALS
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Fox--Compromising

• Moderately concerned with relationships and goals
• Willing to sacrifice part of their goals and
  relationships in order to find agreement for the
  common good

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Conflict Styles
R E L A T I O N S H I P
High Importance
3
5--Owl
4
2
1
High Importance
Low Importance
GOALS
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Owl--Confronting

• Value their own goals and relationships
• View conflicts as problems to be solved
• See conflicts as improving relationships by
  reducing tension
• Seek solutions that satisfy both parties
• Not satisfied until solution is found and tension
  is reduced

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Which style is better?
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Some styles are more useful than others when...
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Uses of the Turtle

• When issue is trivial
• When potential damage of confrontation outweighs
  the benefits
• To let people cool down reduce tension
• When gathering information
• When others can resolve the conflict more
  effectively

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Uses of the Shark

• When quick, decisive action is vital
• On important issues where unpopular actions need
  to be implemented
• To protect yourself against people who take
  advantage of noncompetitive behavior

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Uses of Teddy Bear

• When you realize you are wrong
• To learn from others
• When issue is more important to the other person
  than to yourself
• As a goodwill gesture to maintain cooperative
  relationship
• To allow others to experiment

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Uses of Fox

• When goals are important, but not worth the
  effort or disruption
• When opponents with equal power are strongly
  committed
• To achieve temporary settlements to complex issues

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Uses of Owl

• To find an integrative solution when both sides
  are too important to compromise
• When your objective is to learn
• To work through hard feelings which have been
  interfering with a relationship

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Second Trick for Conflict Management
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Understand Process of Conflict
intervene
Expectations (explicit) Anticipation (implicit)
Unfulfilled Expectations
Experience
Resentments Build
Gather evidence for a case
Give up
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Why how do we get in conflict situations?
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The issues

• The facts present situation, problems
• The goals how things ought to be, the future
  conditions sought
• The methods the best, the easiest, the quickest,
  the most ethical
• The values the beliefs about priorities that
  should be observed in choosing goals methods
• The history what has gone on before

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Components of a Conflict Situation

• Frustration--when you feel blocked.
• Conceptualization of problem-- Whats going
  on?
• Conceptualization of behaviors intentions--
  What does that mean?
• Outcome--emotional, cognitive, behavioral

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Types of Conflict
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What can we do???How do we intervene???

• Accept that you will have conflict
• Work toward having positive vs. dysfunctional
  conflict
• Use conflict management skills
• De-escalation
• I- Messages

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Indicators of Escalation

• Competition
• Righteousness
• Not Listening
• Spreading to new issues

• Dealing in personalities
• Threats
• Intentional Hurt
• Violating Social Rules

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Indicators of De-escalation

• Listening. Trying to understand.
• Showing Tact. Concern for others feelings.
• Goodwill gestures.

• Appeals to De-escalate.
• Airing feelings.
• Finding alternatives.

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I-Messages

• Describe
• Behavior
• Feelings
• Consequence
• Beware of war words!!

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Analyzing a Conflict Situation

• Conflict was between________
• It centered around_________
• I wanted___________
• and felt frustrated because __________
• In my view, the key issue was _______
• The other person probably thought the key issue
  was ___________

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Analyzing a Conflict Situation

• Predominant conflict style I used_____
• Escalation behaviors I used________
• De-escalation behaviors I used______
• Major outcomes_____________
• Differences over facts, goals, methods, values,
  history___________
• What would I do differently next time?

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Small Group

• Break into small groups
• Take 7 minutes to fill out sheet. Write about
  problem that you are willing to share with group.
  (Could be something that has happened in your
  group!)
• Share worksheet with group
• Get feedback about possible alternative ways of
  viewing and/or handling conflict
• Discuss common themes

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Large Class

• Each group share their common themes
• Questions, comments