Psychology of Personal Effectiveness All You Need To Know About How To Live Happily

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Psychology of Personal EffectivenessAll You Need
To Know About How To Live Happily
EffectivelyTimothy W. Starkey, Ph.D., ABAP
Chapter 10. Communication Skills
Miami Dade College Psy CLP1006 Hialeah
Campus Room 1214 M/W/F 800-1015 AM May 7- June
16 (2007) 305-279-0758 (Home) or
305-338-1615 (Cell) Hours 100 to 500 PM On
Mondays Wednesdays
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Midterm Exams

• Frankly, the grades werent quite as good as Id
  expected them to be.
• Most of you thought the exam was easy and I
  tend to agree with you. The objective questions
  were either right or wrong, but I tried to give
  you the benefit of the doubt and grade the SAQs
  very leniently.
• The class average as 73.8
• The high grade was 95 and the Low grade was 53
• As were from 85 up Bs were from 70 to 84
  Cs were from 58 to 69 Ds were scores less
  than 58.
• There were 3 As, 2 Bs, 3 Cs, and 2 Ds.
  There were no Fs.
• My general impression was that too many of you
  didnt do enough studying for this exam,
  especially the SAQs. Anybody who got less than 25
  points (out of the 32 possible) simply didnt
  study the SAQs enough.
• Any questions about the exam?

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WWW.FACTS.ORG

• Go to WWW .FACTS .ORG
• Select Career Planning
• Select Career Portfolio for College Students
• Choose the Tutorial if you need a little help
  getting started choose Create/Edit if you want
  to plunge right in.
• Dont spend a lot of time on it just do it and
  print it out.
• Its worth 10 of your final grade if it looks
  like you put even a little effort into it, it
  will receive a 9 or a 10 for sure.
• Dont forget to hand it in on time this is an
  easy 10 points dont mess it up by being late!

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How To Be A Good Conversationalist

• Keep your message interesting avoid rattling on
  too long
• Show your sense of humor even laugh at yourself
  if you get the chance
• Show an interest in the other person ask
  questions
• Avoid monopolizing the conversation dont
  interrupt
• Stay focused on the topic at hand avoid
  tangents
• Offer sincere compliments when appropriate
  although insincere ones usually work pretty well
  too
• Avoid annoying mannerisms, like fidgeting or
  saying dude 12,000 times
• Talk fairly rapidly dont drag it out too much
  or your audience will go to sleep on you

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Making A Good First Impression for A Job Interview

• Stay away from controversial subjects (e.g.
  politics, religion)
• Jokes are OK, but dont tell one that could
  offend anyone
• Face the interviewer squarely, lean forward,
  stand upright, and keep good eye contact
• Keep you arms open, dont touch your face, and
  resist shifting your weight back and forth
  between your legs
• Pay attention to what the interviewer is telling
  you
• Study up on the company the night before you go
  for the interview
• Be prepared to answer why should I hire you?
  and what can you add to our company?
• Thank the interviewer for his time, shake hands
  on your way out, and ask when you might hear
  whether youve been hired or not

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Assertiveness Skills

• Self assertion involves standing up for your
  personal rights and expressing your ideas, needs,
  feelings, and beliefs in direct, honest, and
  appropriate ways without violating other peoples
  rights.
• When youre being self assertive, the basic
  message that youre communicating is this is
  what I think, this is what I believe, this is
  what I feel, this is how I view the situation
• This is said without dominating, degrading, or
  humiliating other people.
• Assertion involves respect for others, but not
  deference.
• Deference is acting in a subservient manner as
  though the other person is right just because
  theyre in a higher position, wealthier, more
  powerful etc. than you.

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Evolution at Work on the Fairways
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Differences Between Passivity, Aggressiveness,
and Assertion

• Passivity involves violating your own rights by
  failing to express honest feelings, needs,
  thoughts, and beliefs (and thereby allowing other
  people to take advantage of you).
• Aggression involves directly standing up for your
  personal rights and expressing your thoughts,
  feelings, needs, and beliefs too, but in ways
  that can be inappropriate or insulting.
  Aggression is often used in family disputes as a
  means of intimidating other family members into
  doing without protest whatever is demanded (just
  ask any woman who has gone out with or been
  married to someone who is aggressive toward
  women).

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• Assertiveness, passivity, and aggression can be
  thought of as different points on the same
  continuum or scale. Passivity and aggression are
  the endpoints assertiveness is the midpoint.
• Sometimes an individual is aggressive in some
  situations, but passive in others. Perceived
  weakness brings out the bully in them, while
  perceived strength brings out passivity.
• Another form of aggression is passive-aggression
  this is an indirect type of aggression that
  masquerades as compliance but is really intended
  to resist or sabotage. For example, a new boss
  comes in a belittling and insulting way to his
  employees, and before long production goes down,
  company office supplies start disappearing by the
  truckload, and the company rumor mill starts
  spreading malicious gossip about the boss.

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Why Some People Dont Act Assertively

• Fear of loss of approval from others or of
  getting an angry response
• Failing to distinguish between assertiveness and
  aggression this is particularly a problem for
  women in our culture, because they are so often
  brought up to inhibit self expression (e.g. we
  give women the double message that they should
  be strong and stand up for themselves, and then
  we call them too mannish or bitchy).
• Mistaking nonassertion (passiveness) for
  politeness and consideration
• Mistaking passivity for being helpful because you
  believe agreeing (when you really dont) will
  help the other person or the team
• Aggression is often an outgrowth of earlier
  feelings of powerlessness, hence a person behaves
  aggressively in order not to be too easily
  controlled or manipulated.

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Speaking of Aggression
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• Sometimes people have a maladaptive belief that
  aggression is justified and this is only way they
  can get through to people.
• Aggressive outbursts sometimes result from
  feelings of anger or hurt that have built up to a
  boiling point over a long time. This can
  especially happen if a person fails to express
  himself with appropriate assertiveness before the
  feelings reach the flash point.
• Failure to accept your personal rights is another
  cause of not acting assertively when it is called
  for.
• At what times do you become assertive, and at
  what other times do you become passive or
  aggressive?
• How many of you have become passive-aggressive
  in response to someone elses controlling or
  bossy behavior?

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Assertive Bill of Rights
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Its Role Play Time!

• Three months ago Person A loaned Person B 500 to
  help him through a period of unemployment. Six
  weeks ago, Person B got a good job with very good
  pay. So far, though, Person B hasnt repaid a
  dime of the money, and avoids the subject in
  conversation. How is Person A going to get his
  money back?
• Person A and Person B both work for the same boss
  doing similar work. Person A is often asked to do
  extra projects, even if it takes up his weekend,
  because the boss says youre better at numbers.
  Person A didnt complain because he felt that
  when raises were given in a few months, he would
  be rewarded for his hard work and loyalty. Person
  B has been spending his weekends dating the boss
  rather homely daughter. When the raises came
  out, Person B got the big raise, and Person A was
  advised to try a little harder next time! What
  should Person A say to whom?

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Differentiating Communication Styles
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Ways To Avoid Being Manipulated Into Buying
Something You Dont Want and Dont Need

• Remember you always have the right to say no.
  It is not your job or your duty to always please
  other people in your life (especially
  salespeople)
• Beware the low ball technique. If you dont
  want to buy it by the time the salesperson has
  added in all the extra unexpected fees, then
  DONT. Just stop talking and start walking out of
  there, and dont look back.
• Just because an item is scarce or at a low
  price, it isnt necessarily a good buy
  especially if you dont really need it.
• Dont fall for the door in the face technique,
  where the person soliciting starts out by making
  a huge request, and then settles for a smaller
  amount. Dont give em one thin dime!

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• Dont be a sucker for the overly friendly
  salesperson who makes you feel like you and he
  are long lost buddies, and then puts the bite on
  you to buy his most expensive item.
• Dont fall for the and thats not all
  technique. Television marketers have refined this
  one into a comedy form thats often very funny.
  But the bottom line is that if you dont need or
  want the thing in the first place, you dont want
  or need it with all the junk hes piling on top.
• Finally, it has been said a fool and his money
  are soon parted. The mystery is how they ever
  got together in the first place.

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End of Chapter 10