Psychology 0f Personal Effectiveness All You Need To Know About How To Live Happily

1
Psychology 0f Personal EffectivenessAll You Need
To Know About How To Live Happily
EffectivelyTimothy W. Starkey, Ph.D., ABAP
Chapter 3 Love Who You Are

• Miami Dade College
• Psychology CLP 1006
• Hialeah Campus
• Room 1214
• M/W/F
• 800-1015 AM
• May 7- June 16 (2007)
• 305-279-0758 (Home)
• or
• 305-338-1615 (Cell)
• Hours 100 to 300 PM
• On Fridays

But who or what is that?
2
Main Concepts in Chapter 3

• Concept of Self-Esteem
• Self-Esteem Self Assessment
• The Roots of Self-Esteem
• Ways to Boost Your Self-Esteem
• Common Unhealthy Shoulds Questionnaire

3
Self-Esteem

• Self-esteem refers to the relationship you have
  with yourself, the degree to which you regard
  yourself in a positive or negative light. It is a
  part of your self-concept.
• Your self-concept is a larger, broader
  perspective or set of beliefs about yourself it
  is your paradigm about yourself. Self-esteem
  implies a judging or evaluating of self aspect
  that self-concept does not.
• Ideal self refers to the person that you feel
  you should be, and real self refers to the
  person you actually are. Obviously, determining
  real self can be largely a matter of opinion,
  and any individual could potentially have many
  different real selves, depending on whose
  opinions you used to determine his/her real
  characteristics.
• Psychologists generally get around this dilemma
  in their studies by simply defining real self
  as what ones friends and peers say ones real
  characteristics are. See any problems with this?

4
(No Transcript)
5
The Meaning of Life
6
Self-Worth

• OK, so self-esteem is based on your own
  appraisal of your good and bad qualities your
  worth as a person. The result of this personal
  appraisal your sense of self-worth.
• A persons sense of self-worth can be based on
  a wide range of different characteristics part
  of this is a matter of personal choice, and part
  of it is heavily influenced by cultural factors
  and the times in which one happens to life.
• Behavioral scientists have found that major
  problems such as depression, drug abuse, and
  aggression may be linked not so much to our
  general level of self-esteem, but rather to the
  source of our self-esteem.
• For example, teens who base their self-esteem on
  their athletic abilities or their good looks are
  setting themselves up for a crisis later on when
  the athletic skills fade (and society values them
  less) and their youthful good looks turn into
  middle average ordinariness.

7

• Well, you might ask what else is there to base
  my sense of self-worth on, other than my
  incredible athletic abilities or my movie-star
  looks?
• Anybody in class have some suggestions?
• It is always better to have more than one source
  upon which to base your feelings of self-worth.
  In case one source goes sour on you (e.g. you
  sustain a crippling knee injury that keeps you
  out of athletics for the rest of your life), you
  always have one or more other sources to shift
  the importance (e.g. worth) to.
• Many of us have formed a constant negative inner
  voice (pathological critic) that always judges
  us unfairly or unrealistically. We form this
  pathological critic during our early and middle
  childhood when we receive this type of evaluation
  (e.g. feedback) too often from our adult
  care-givers (e.g. parents, grandparents, aunts
  and uncles, older siblings)

8
(No Transcript)
9
Roots of Self-Esteem

• Self-esteem has its roots both in genetics and in
  learning (e.g. environmental influences). Studies
  of identical twins reared apart, as well as
  studies comparing the personalities of adopted
  children with their biological and adoptive
  parents clearly reveal that our adult
  personalities are significantly influenced by our
  genetic makeup. Identical twins reared apart are
  more like each other in such traits as shyness,
  well-being, intelligence, anger, neuroticism,
  mania, and depression than are fraternal twins
  reared together. Also, adopted children are more
  similar as adults to their biological parents
  than to their adoptive parents in regards to
  these traits. Thus, there is no doubt that your
  genetic makeup does make a big contribution to
  your level of self-esteem.

10
Parental Influences on Self-Esteem

• For most of us, though, parents are the most
  important influence in shaping or self-esteem,
  particularly in early life. If you were lucky
  enough to have been raised by parents who loved
  you and showed it, you will probably enjoy
  healthy self-esteem throughout your life. If your
  parents didnt fit this category, however,
  developing a healthy, positive self-esteem is
  going to be a real struggle for you. It may still
  be possible, but youre going to have to really
  work at it, and you may need professional
  counseling or therapy to accomplish it.
• Carl Rogers (a Humanist psychologist) observed
  many years ago that children develop healthy
  self-esteem when parents show them unconditional
  positive regard (always accepting and loving the
  child, if not the behavior at a given moment).
  Conditional positive regard refers to judging the
  childs worth on the basis of the acceptability
  of their behavior (at the time). What do you
  think of these ways of parenting?

11
Importance of Parental Confidence in Child
12
Parenting Styles (Baumrind)

• Authoritarian - restrictive, punitive style of
  parenting, rigid rules, assumes child is
  incompetent
• Authoritative - warm and nurturing, while still
  setting meaningful limits and controls for the
  child (and enforcing them through time-outs etc.)
• Permissive/Indifferent - uninvolved in childs
  life, provides the necessities of life but
  psychologically arent there, arent
  particularly harsh or punitive
• Permissive/Indulgent - very involved in childs
  life and often very loving, do not set meaningful
  limits or dont enforce them, often spoil the
  child, often dont require child to earn any
  rewards

13
How to Boost Your Self-Esteem Or How To
Attack The Shuddas

• Many people believe that their ideal self is
  something that they should be and then feel
  disappointed with themselves when they fail to
  reach this goal. They tend to always place their
  ideal self just a few inches beyond their
  reach, and hence always fall short of their
  goals.
• In order to build a healthy self-esteem, we need
  to set realistic goals that are possible for us
  to achieve after we have achieved them, we can
  raise the bar a little and set our goals a
  little higher the next time (if we wish).
• Many of us have developed irrational beliefs
  about what the ideal self ought to be. When we
  try to measure ourselves against an irrationally
  perfect ideal self, we can only end up feeling
  inferior.

14
(No Transcript)
15
End of Chapter 3