Empathy

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Understanding and Comforting
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Discussion

• What characteristics do you
• look for in someone whom you will confide in?

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Empathy is the process of identifying with the
feelings of others.
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Approaches to Empathy

• Empathic Responsiveness taking on an emotional
  parallel response of another, feeling same the
  emotion sharing the emotion
• Perspective Taking imagining yourself in place
  of another
• Sympathetic Responsiveness feeling of concern,
  compassion or sorrow for anothers situation
  emotional concern or sympathy feeling a
  somewhat different, yet similar emotion

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Empathy identifying with or vicariously
experiencing the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes
of another
Empathic response an emotional response
parallel to another persons actual or
anticipated display of emotion
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Sympathetic Responsiveness
Feeling concern, compassion, or sorrow for
another because of the others situation or plight
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Perspective Taking
Imaging oneself in the place of another
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How do we Empathize?

• Actively attend to what the person is saying.
• Observe and understand both verbal and nonverbal
  messages, using paraphrases and perception
  checking to help you.
• Draw on your experience to understand the
  situation.

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Reading nonverbaleffective empathetic responses
You can do quite well, if you concentrate!

• Nonverbal primary emotions such as happiness,
  sadness, surprise, anger, and fear are recognized
  with greater than 90 accuracy.
• Other nonverbal embedded emotions such as
  contempt, disgust, interest, determination, and
  bewilderment are recognized with 80-90 accuracy.
  
• (Leathers, 1997, p. 41)

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Paraphrasing(perception check)

• Put your understanding of a message into words
  to clarify meaning.
• Content conveys understanding of the denotative
  meaning
• Feeling conveys your understanding of the
  speakers connotative meaning

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Effective Support Messages Steps
(research by Brant Burleson, Purdue University)

• Show your intention to help.
• Provide acceptance and positive regard.
• Express situation interest.
• Show empathy and understanding.
• Make yourself available.
• Be an ally.

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Supporting messages a statement whose goal is
to show approval, bolster, encourage, soothe,
console, or cheer up

• Recognize others good feelings and affirm their
  right to have them.
• Give comfort when a person has negative feelings.

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8 Effective Support Messages Steps
(research by Brant Burleson, Purdue University)

• Clearly state the aim is to help
• Express acceptance for the other
• Demonstrate care, and interest in the others
  situation
• Indicate you are available to listen and support
• State that the speaker is an ally
• Acknowledge the others feelings and situation
  and express sincere sympathy
• Assure the other that feelings are legitimate
• Encourage the other to elaborate
• Research shows effective comforters have better
  long-term relationships.

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Ineffective Support Messages

• Condemning and/or criticizing the other persons
  feelings and behavior
• Imply that the other persons feelings are not
  warranted
• Dont tell the other how to feel
• Dont focus attention on the yourself
• Never intrude by representing a level of concern
  greater than is appropriate within the
  relationship

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Interpreting (Framing)
Reframes information to help the other understand
from a different perspective
Information and Experiences
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Framing

• My parents told me I couldnt go to Mexico with
  my roommates over Break. They dont trust me.
• I never had a curfew when I was in high school.
  My parents could care less what time I made it
  home.
• My parents are making me pay my own tuition.
  Theyve got plenty of money. Theyre just too
  selfish.

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Framing

• My boss wouldnt let me take off yesterday. She
  just cant stand the thought of someone having
  fun while shes working.
• Ive sent three e-mails to my math professor
  asking her for help. She hasnt answered one of
  them. The jerk.

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Clarifying Supportive Intentions

• Directly state your intentions by emphasizing
  your desire to help
• Remind your partner of your commitment to the
  relationship
• Indicate that helping is your only motive
• Phrase your clarification in a way that reflects
  helpfulness.

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Using Other-Centered Messages

• Ask questions that prompt the person to elaborate
  on what happened
• Emphasize your willingness to listen to an
  extended story
• Use vocalized encouragement and non-verbal
  behavior to communicate continued interest
• Affirm, legitimize, and encourage exploration of
  feelings expressed by partner
• Demonstrate the you understand but avoid changing
  the focus to you.

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Giving Advice

• Definition - Advice giving messages present
  relevant suggestions that a person could use to
  satisfactorily resolve a situation.
• In general, advice messages should not be
  expressed until our supportive intentions are
  fully understood.

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• Feedback
• Verbal and physical responses to people and/or
  their messages

• Self-disclosure
• Sharing biographical data, personal ideas and
  feelings that are unknown to the other person
• Opening up the Secret Johari Window to another.

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Johari Window
Not known to self
Known to self
Open
Blind
Known to others
Secret
Unknown
Not known to others
W, p. 271 V / V, p. 76
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Appropriate Self-disclosureOrder Chronologically

• Move self-disclosure to deeper levels gradually.
• Continue intimate self-disclosure only if it is
  reciprocated.
• Self-disclose the kind of information you want
  others to disclose to you
• Reserve intimate or very personal self-disclosure
  for ongoing relationships
• Self-disclose more intimate information only when
  you believe the disclosure represents an
  acceptable risk

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Appropriate Self-disclosure

• Self-disclose the kind of information you want
  others to disclose to you
• Self-disclose more intimate information only when
  you believe the disclosure represents an
  acceptable risk
• Continue intimate self-disclosure only if it is
  reciprocated.
• Move self-disclosure to deeper levels gradually.
• Reserve intimate or very personal self-disclosure
  for ongoing relationships

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Levels of Self-Disclosure

• Informal cultures (Americans) disclose more about
  themselves. (Low-Power Distance Cultures)
• Formal cultures (Germans Japanese) disclose
  less. (High-Power Distance Cultures)
• Across cultures, when relationships become more
  intimate, self-disclosure increases.
• The more partners disclose to each other, the
  more they are attracted to each other. Caution!
  ! !
• Women disclose more than men.
• Both men women disclose more intimate
  information to women.

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Reciprocal self-disclosure has the
greatest positive effects.
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Women tend to engage in rapport talk to share
experiences and establish bonds.
Microsoft Photo
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Men tend to engage in report talk to share
information, negotiate, and preserve independence.
Microsoft Photo
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• Masking Feelings
• Concealing verbal or nonverbal cues that would
  enable others to understand how a person is
  feeling

• Displaying Feelings
• Expressing feelings through facial reactions,
  body responses, or paralinguistic reactions

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Describing Feelings

• Describing feelings is the skill of naming the
  emotions you are feeling without judging them
• Describing feelings increases the likelihood of
  having a positive interaction and decreases the
  chances of creating defensiveness
• BUTmany people dont describe their feelings
  regularly. Why?

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Withholding feelings

• Leads to physical problems ulcers heart
  disease.
• Leads to psychological problems stress
  depression.
• Is perceived as cold not much fun.

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Displaying feelings

• Positive displays, hugs, reinforce the point we
  care.
• Serves as an escape valve for very strong
  emotions.

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Why Dont We Describe Feelings?

• People believe that when they say I feel they
  are evaluating others.
• No active vocabulary for describing feelings
  p.240
• Afraid that describing feelings makes you
  vulnerable
• Afraid that if you describe your feelings you
  will be judged
• Afraid to harm relationship
• Some cultures encourage members to mask their
  feelings

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Personal Feedback
Praise Highlights positive behaviors and
accomplishments
Constructive Criticism Identifies
negative harmful behaviors
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Giving Constructive Criticism

• Describe the behavior by accurately recounting
  precisely what was said or done, without labeling
  the behavior good or bad, right or wrong.
• Preface a negative statement with a positive one
  whenever possible.
• Be as specific as possible.
• When appropriate, suggest how the person can
  change the behavior.

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Asking for Criticism

• Think of criticism as being in your best
  interest.
• Before you ask, make sure that you are ready for
  an honest response.
• If you take the initiative to ask for criticism,
  you will avoid surprises.

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How to Get Good Feedback

• Specify the kind of criticism you are seeking.
• Dont act negatively to the criticism.
• Paraphrase what you hear.
• Give reinforcement to those who take your
  requests for criticism as honest requests. Thank
  them!

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Describe how a person can know that trusting
another person with confidential information is
appropriate?
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Disclosure Feedback Skills

• Disclosure
• Self-disclose the kind of information you
  want others to disclose to you
• Self-disclose more intimate information only
  when you believe the disclosure represents an
  acceptable risk
• Continue intimate self-disclosure only if it is
  reciprocated.
• Move self-disclosure to deeper levels
  gradually.
• Reserve intimate or very personal
  self-disclosure for ongoing relationships

• Feedback
• Describe Your Feelings
• Identify what triggers your feelings
• Mentally name your emotion be specific
• Verbally own the feeling
• Own your Feelings Use I
• Give Effective Feedback
• Describe the Behavior be specific
• Highlight Positive Behavior
• Identify Negative (harmful) Behavior thru
  Constructive Criticism
• Suggest How to Change the Behavior

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WHAT DO YOU EXPECT FROM A BLOND?

• Exercise

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Mark and Maria

• Directions View Mark and Marias dialogue. Do
  Mark and Maria equally self-disclose? What do
  you think of the feedback that Maria offers Mark?
  Did you find it constructive or harmful? In
  your opinion, is this a relationship that is on a
  fast track toward friendship? Explain. Is Maria
  the type of person you would choose as a friend?
  Explain.

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