Sexuality in Relationships

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Sexuality in Relationships
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Sex education and teaching your children

• what your parents taught you
• what myths you learned

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Promiscuity and parental strictness
Promiscuity
Strictness
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Promiscuity

• Highest with parents with few or no rules (not
  strict)
• Lowest for parents who were moderately strict
• Intermediate with very strict parents (many
  rules)

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Sex in high school

• Recent survey - 54 of high school students
  report having had sex (9-12)
• 9th graders - 40
• 10th graders - 48
• 11th graders - 57
• 12th graders - 72

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Sexually Active

• 39 in past 3 months

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Virgins

• High school 46 (9-12th grades combined)
• College Men 9 to 20
• College Women 17 to 37

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Activity
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Teaching Your Children

• Teach Developmentally Appropriate Concepts
• Start Early
• Practice what you preach
• Dont send wrong messages - dont be embarrassed
  or shaming
• Teach them your values

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Keys in keeping sexual relations vital

• Commitment
• Communication
• Time with each other vs. DINS syndrome (double
  income, no sex)

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Dysfunctions

• Commitment is the most important thing

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Pain
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Percentages of Affairs

• 22 of men and 14 of women had one or more
  sexual encounters outside of marriage
• Only 3 to 4 are having extramarital affairs in
  any given year.

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Percent of Married Couples Having Affairs
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Is having an affair wrong?
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What Is Infidelity?

• Is there such a thing as an emotional affair?
• Is it unfaithful to have a secret but non-sexual
  relationship over the Internet?

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Shirley Glass, Ph.D. Says

• You do not have to have sexual intercourse to be
  unfaithful.
• An extramarital involvement may be primarily
  sexual, primarily emotional, or combined-type.

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Emotional Involvement

• 44 of men who had extramarital sex said they
  had slight or no emotional involvement
• Only 11 of women said that

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Predictors of affairs

• unhappy marriage
• premarital sex
• less religious
• gender equality
• politically liberal

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Predictors of affairs

• higher education
• male
• younger
• other possibilities
• sexual fulfillment

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Myths of affairs and the Truths

• Everybody is unfaithful it is normal, expectable
  behavior
• Infidelity is not normal behavior, but a symptom
  of some problem.
• Affairs are good for you an affair may even
  revive a dull marriage.
• Affairs are dangerous and can easily, and
  inadvertently, end marriages.

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Myths of affairs and the Truths

• The infidel must not love the cuckold the
  affair proves it.
• Affairs can occur in marriages that, prior to the
  affair, were quite good.
• The affairee must be sexier than the spouse.
• Affairs involve sex, but the sex is not usually
  the purpose of the affair.

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Myths of affair and the Truths

• The affair is the fault of the cuckold.
• No one can drive someone else to have an affair.
• The best approach to the discovery of a spouses
  affair is to pretend not to know and thereby
  avoid a crisis.
• Affairs are fueled by secrecy and threatened by
  exposure.

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Myths of affairs and the Truths

• If an affair occurs, the marriage must end in a
  divorce.
• Marriages can, with effort, survive affairs if
  the affairs are exposed.

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Types of affairs

• Accidental Infidelity
• Philandering
• Romantic
• Marital Arrangements

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Affair Prevention
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Walls and Windows

• Infidelity is not about love or sex - its about
  boundaries.

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Dangers at Work

• Dont lunch alone or take coffee breaks with same
  person all the time.
• When you travel with a co-worker, meet in public
  rooms, not in a room with a bed.
• Dont drink and dance with co-workers at
  conferences or office parties.

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Not Just Friends

• An emotional affair is characterized by -
  secrecy, emotional intimacy, and sexual
  chemistry.
• Resist the desire to rescue an unhappy soul who
  pours their heart out to you.
• Sharing the most painful things of your soul with
  an attractive alternative develops deep levels of
  intimacy.

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Not Just Friends

• If a conversation makes light of marriage,
  respond with something positive about your own
  relationship.
• Discuss marital issues with you spouse. Work on
  the problems at home.
• If you do need to talk to someone else about you
  marriage, be sure they are a friend of the
  marriage.

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Quenching Old Flames

• If an old lover is divorced and going to be at
  the class reunion, invite your spouse to come
  along.
• If you value your marriage, think twice about
  doing lunch with an old flame.

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On-Line But Over The Line

• Discuss your on-line friendships with your spouse
  and show them your email if they are interested.
• Invite your spouse to join in your correspondence
  so your internet friend wont get any wrong
  ideas.
• Dont exchange sexual fantasies on-line.

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Attractions

• It is normal to be attracted to another person.
• Fantasizing about what it would be like to be
  with that other person is a danger sign.
• Flirting is crossing the line because its an
  invitation that indicated receptivity.

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The Nature Of True Love

• The feeling of being in love is linked to Stage
  One passion and infatuation.
• True love which you grow into is characterized by
  acceptance, understanding, and compassion.

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Equity

• Person having affair may not be giving enough at
  home rather than not getting enough.
• It is better to give and to receive in order to
  have a satisfying, equitable relationship.

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Social Support

• Surround yourself with friends who are happily
  married and who dont believe in fooling around.

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After an Affair

• Reverse walls and windows
• Stop all contact
• Share all encounters
• Tell the story of the affair

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Morality

• morality
• morality
• virtue