MEN ARE FROM MARS, Women are from Venus

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MEN ARE FROM MARS, Women are from Venus
- John Gray, Ph.D.

• Mr. Fix-It and the Home-Improvement Committee

• Mr. Fix-It
• A mans sense of self is defined through his
  ability to achieve results.
• Talking about a problem on Mars is an invitation
  for advice.
• A womans sense of self is defined through her
  feelings and the quality of her
  relationships.
• Many times a woman just wants to share her
  feelings...and the man in her life, thinking
  he is helping, interrupts her by offering a
  steady flow of solutions to her problems

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• Home-Improvement Committee
• To offer a man unsolicited advice is to presume
  that he doesnt know what to do or what he cant
  do it on his own.
• Generally speaking, when a woman offers
  unsolicited advice or tries to help a man, she
  has no idea of how critical and unloving she may
  sound to him
• A man wants to make improvements when he feels
  is is being approached as the solution to a
  problem rather than as the problem itself..

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Men go to Their Caves and Women Talk

• Men Go to Their Caves
• To feel better Martians go to their caves to
  solve their problems alone.
• To expect a man who is in his cave instantly to
  become open, and responsive is as unrealistic as
  expecting a woman who is upset immediately to
  calm down and make complete sense.
• Never go into a mans cave or you will be burned
  by the dragon!

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Women Talk

• A woman under stress is not immediately
  concerned with finding solutions to her problems
  but rather seeks relief by expressing herself and
  being understood.
• To feel better Venusians get together and openly
  talk about their problems.
• Just as a man is fulfilled through working out
  the intricate details of solving a problem, a
  woman is fulfilled through talking about the
  details of her problems.

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Men Are Like Rubber Bands

• When a man loves a woman, periodically he needs
  to pull away before he can get closer.
• A man automatically alternates between needing
  intimacy and autonomy.
• To a certain extent a man loses himself through
  connecting with his partner.
• The man grows to understand his own cycles and
  reassures her when he pulls away that he will be
  back.

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Women Are Like Waves

• A womans Self-Esteem rises and falls like a
  wave. When she hits bottom it is a time for
  emotional housecleaning.
• In relationships, men pull back and then get
  close, while women rise and fall in their
  ability to love themselves and others.

• The last thing a woman needs when she is on her
  way down is someone telling her why she
  shouldnt be down.
• When negative feelings are suppressed, positive
  feelings become suppressed as well, and love
  dies.
• When a woman goes into her well, her deepest
  issues tend to surface.

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YOU JUST DONT UNDERSTAND Women and Men in
Conversation by Deborah Tannin, Ph. D
Intimacy and Independence

• Intimacy is key in a world of connection where
  individuals negotiate complex networks of
  friendship.
• Intimacy says, Were close and the same.

• In a world of status, independence is key,
  because a primary means of establishing status
  it to tell other what to do.
• Independence says Were separate and different.

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Put down that paper and talk to
me! Rapport-talk and Report-Talk

• RAPPORT TALK
• For most women, the language of conversation is
  primarily a language of rapport a way of
  establishing connections and negotiating
  relationships.

• REPORT TALK
• For most men, talk is primarily a means to
  preserve independence and negotiate and maintain
  status in a hierarchical social order by
  exhibiting knowledge and skill.

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HYPOTHETICALS What would you do?
He Im not going to be able to make our date
on Saturday. She Why not? He I justlook,
I need to spend more time with my friends. Lets
just take a break for a while. Okay? She
________________________
This is an example of. How should she respond?
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She You wont believe what happened to me in
math class today! He What happened? She
I did my homework, but I couldnt find it in my
notebook, and Mr. Carlson yelled at me in front
of everyone! He He shouldnt have done
that! You should go report him! She It just
made me so angry! I almost started to cry! He
You shouldnt let that guy get to you! Hes a
jerk! She I mean, I always have my work!
This is the first time I didnt turn it in! He
Didnt you forget your homework last week,
too?
What is this conversation showing? What would you
change?
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She Are you applying for a job this week? He
Yeah, I thought Id go apply at the new pet
store. She really? He Yeah, I heard theyre
hiring. She Maybe you should cut your hair
before you go apply. He Why? She It just makes
you look so much more professional! He What are
you saying? She I just think you would have a
better
chance at a job if you looked neater. He I
thought you liked the way I look!
What could we call this?
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She I am so angry! My mother keeps asking
me stupid questions. My little sister insists on
borrowing my clothes and not returning them. My
teachers are stupid. Why do I even bother to
wake up in the morning? He Boy, you sure
are in a bad mood! She What are you saying?
Are you accusing me of being moody? He
___________________________________
What should he say? What is this demonstrating?
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Test Thursday!!!