Welcome to the World of Relational Aggression

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Welcome to the World of Relational
AggressionFEMALE BULLYING

• Jewel E. Hairston, Ph.D.
• 4-H Specialist
• Virginia State University
• [phone]
• jhairsto_at_vsu.edu

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What is Relational Aggression?

• Also known as female bullying
• It includes acts that harm others through damage
  to relationships or to feelings of acceptance,
  friendship, or group inclusion.

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What causes it to occur?
The good girl is nice first, even before she is
honest.

• We live in a culture of indirection

Sarah Michelle Gellar as Kathryn
in Cruel Intentions
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What causes it to occur?

• Because girls in our society are not allowed to
  have conflict openly and act aggressively, they
  aggress covertly.
• For girls, conflict loss
• Notions of the rite of passage
• According to society, girl/girl relationships are
  insignificant.

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Why do we need to discuss it?

• Female relationships become the weapon when there
  are no tools to negotiate conflict.
• Schools and organizations lack consistent public
  strategies for dealing with girl bullying.
• It attacks the self-esteem of girls and often
  effects them for the rest of their lives.

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It is mostly important to discuss this because

• It typically happens beneath the radar of of
  nicenessand goes undetected.

Ultimately, it is ignored
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How do girls bully different from boys?
Boy bullying Inflicting physical pain and
verbally articulating anger.
When in danger boys opt for fight or
flight.
Girl bullying Inflicting psychological pain
through body language. When in
danger girls tend and befriend.
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How do girls bully different from boys? (cont.)

• Boys tend to either bully people they know of or
  strangers however, girls attack within tightly
  knit friendships.
• Girls aggression is more difficult to identify
  than boys aggression.

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Why do girls bully?

• THE QUEST FOR
• POPULARITY and SOCIAL STATUS

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Characteristics of girl bullies

• Desires to control friends to stay popular or to
  seek a rise in social status
• Seeks a sense of security from a friend or a
  group
• May feel threatened by a group and feels there is
  no other choice but to bully others
• May have been a former victim of bullying
• Fears isolation

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Characteristics of victims

• Fearful of losing a relationship
• May be less popular than other girls
• May be shy, insecure, or lack self-esteem
• May be extremely confident or successful in
  something

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The girl who thinks shes all that is a
definite target for bullying
All That Confident, Competitive and Assertive
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Bullying techniques

• The silent treatment
• Name calling
• Alliance building
• Exclusion
• Backbiting backstabbing
• Gritting

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Aggression in girls of colora little different
perception

• Conflict is an essential part of maintaining
  dignity
• Girls of color learn from their mothers to
  confront others
• Girls are socialized for independence
• Clear lines of demarcation between friends
• Avoiding conflict leads to confrontations (being
  labeled weak or hit.

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What can the volunteer leader do?

• Ban these behaviors and socialize girls away from
  them.
• Empathize!
• Encourage health truth telling and conflict.

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What can the volunteer leader do?

• Talking with kids about alternative aggressions
  is absolutely necessary.

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What is wrong with this statement?

• Wrong - Its just a phase or It happens to
  everyone.
• Better - Oh that is terrible. Im sorryIt
  happened to me too.
• Wrong - What could you be doing to cause this?
• Better - Do you want to brainstorm together about
  how we got there?

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What is wrong with this statement?

• Wrong - Youre being too sensitive. They dont
  really mean it!
• Better How can you tell their not joking? Are
  you sure they really mean to make you feel bad?
• Wrong - This is the way girls are. You may as
  well get used to it.
• Better Did you know there are some answers
  about why some girls act in these ways when they
  get angry?

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What to tell the girls to do to find relief

• Get help
• Lose them
• Get it out
• Do something
• It will end One day you will wake up and not
  have to go to school with these people!

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Girls need to be given the opportunity to

• Admit jealousy, anger frustration
• Become your own person
• Stop concentrating on making friends.
• Understand that the pain of bullying can and will
  eventually stop!

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Denying girls the right to be angry leads them to
cruel and inappropriate actsEmpowering them
to be true to their feelings and their emotions
helps them soar!