Relationship Maintenance Chapter 10

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Relationship MaintenanceChapter 10
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Announcements

• Extra Credit assignment 3! Evaluate a magazine
  ad - Due Tues. Nov 20th
• Final paper should be TYPED, PROOFREAD, STAPLED
  and no more than 2 pages double spaced
• Dont forget to turn in the magazine ad with your
  paper!!
• Interested in getting involved in research on
  marriage and relationships? Email me at
  Lisa.Neff_at_utoledo.edu

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Social Exchange Theory

• Main idea people make relationship decisions by
  weighing the rewards and costs of the
  relationship
• Outcome rewards - costs

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How positive does the outcome need to be?

• Comparison Level (CL) the level of outcomes you
  expect to receive from relationships
• Satisfaction Outcome CL
• To be happy, outcomes must exceed your comparison
  level

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What about relationship stability?

• Comparison level for alternatives (CLALT)
• expectations for what you might get if the
  relationship ended
• Dependence Outcome CLALT
• you will stay if what you get in the relationship
  is better than what you could get outside of the
  relationship

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Types of relationshipsSatisfied and Stable?

• High Sat Low Sat
• High
• Dep
• Low
• Dep

CL
Happy and Stable
Current
Trapped in relationship
Current
CL
CLAlt
CLAlt
CL
CLAlt
Unhappy, unstable relationships
CLAlt
Current
Current
CL
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Evaluating Social Exchange Theory

• What can the theory explain?
• Distinguishes between satisfaction and stability
• What does the theory leave out?
• Doesnt tell us how stable, rewarding
  relationships become unstable costly ones

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Building a model of relationship change
Personality Traits/ Background variables
Marital Dissolution

• Change in
• Satisfaction

Initial Satisfaction
?
Decision to stay or leave (Social Exchange
Theory)
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Attachment Theory

• Main idea Our early experiences with primary
  caregiver cause us to develop a mental model
  (schema) of what relationships are like. This
  model shapes how we approach all relationships
  later in life

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Attachment Theory

• The Strange Situation (Ainsworth)
• Can I depend on mom?
• Yes (50)- secure attachment. Mom is dependable
• No (22)- avoidant attachment. Mom is unavailable
  
• Maybe (20)- anxious-ambivalent. Mom is
  unreliable or inconsistent

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Adult Attachment Questionnaire
Which of the following best describes your
feelings? (check one)
___ I find it relatively easy to get close to
others and am comfortable depending on them and
having them depend on me. I dont often worry
about being abandoned or about someone getting
too close to me.
___ I am somewhat uncomfortable being close to
others I find it difficult to trust them,
difficult to allow myself depend on them. I am
nervous when anyone gets too close, and often,
love partners want me to be more intimate than I
feel comfortable being.
___ I find that others are reluctant to get as
close to me as I would like. I often worry that
my partner doesnt really love me or want to be
with me. I want to merge completely with another
person, and this desire sometimes scares people
away.
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Attachment Theory

• Same styles appear in adults
• 56 secure, 23 avoidant, 20 anxious ambivalent
• Research findings
• Secure attachment correlated with positive things
  (e.g., better intimacy, less conflict, better
  communication)

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Other Personality/Background Factors

• Neuroticism how we react to negative or
  stressful stimuli
• Studies of children and adults
• Self-esteem
• Low SE individuals underestimate partners
  feelings and are more reactive to threat
• This leads them to engage in more negative
  relationship behaviors

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Evaluating Attachment Theory and Personality

• What can these theories explain?
• Why do some people have the same relationship
  over and over again?
• What do these theories leave out?
• Why do secure people still break up? (or
  neurotics not always break up?)

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Building a model of relationship change
Personality Traits/ Background variables
Marital Dissolution

• Change in
• Satisfaction

Initial Satisfaction
?
Decision to stay or leave (Social Exchange
Theory)
Adaptive Processes
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Adaptive Processes Behaviors

• Each interaction contributes to relationship
  satisfaction
• During discussions of conflict, unhappy couples
• perceive more behaviors as negative (compared to
  observers)
• are more likely to respond with further
  negativity (Negative reciprocity)
• During discussions of happy events, happy couples
• Actively validates and supports the partner
  (capitalization)

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Adaptive Processes Motivated Reasoning

• Happy intimates process relationship information
  in a manner that will maintain happiness
• Relationship superiority bias
• Optimistic bias
• Attributions

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Evaluating Research on Adaptive Processes

• What can the theories explain?
• Provides mechanism of relationship change
  (accumulation of negative interactions or
  breakdown of motivated reasoning)
• What do the theories leave out?
• Where do negative behaviors come from?
• When and why does motivated reasoning break down?

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Building a Model of Relationship Change
Personality/Background
Change in Satisfaction
Marital Dissolution
Adaptive Processes
Initial Satisfaction
Decision to stay or leave (Social Exchange
Theory)
External Circumstances
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External Circumstances Stress

• Stress Spillover When we have higher external
  stress (e.g. work stress, finances), we are less
  happy in our relationships
• When spouses are under greater stress than
  normal, they
• make more negative attributions for partners
  behaviors
• engage in more negative behaviors

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Evaluating Research on Stress

• What can the research explain?
• Finally tells us when things go bad! People are
  at risk for poor outcomes when facing stress
• What does the research leave out?
• Must stress always be bad - What coping
  mechanisms might help?

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Stress - Vulnerability - Adaptation Model (Karney
Bradbury, 1995)
Personality/Background
Change in Satisfaction
Marital Dissolution
Adaptive Processes
Initial Satisfaction
Decision to stay or leave
External Circumstances