HABIT 5: Seek first to understand, Then to be understood

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HABIT 5Seek first to understand,Then to be
understood

• By Sonya Breaux

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Principles of empathic communication (Look)

• The first principle for interpersonal relations
  is rush and fixing up with good advice.
• The first principle for interpersonal relations
  is seek to understand then to be understood.
• (P.237-238)

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Communication and character

• There are 5 ways of communication.
• There are 4 ways of communication.
• If you want to interact with me you need to set
  your example and actual conduct.
• If you want to interact with me you need to
  understand me without prejudgment.
• (P.238)

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LISTEN!

• Empathic listening Seek first to understand
• The empathic listening is active.
• Reflective listening is mimicking what other
  person says.
• Reflective listening is just reading the body
  language.
• (P.241)

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LISTEN! Let me see

• Let me see if I understand what your position is
  and your concerns are aboutand you want my
  recommendations?
• When you feel you actually understand them,
  then say we will see different proposals, lets
  analyze them together, and we will see if it has
  relevance or not (Put yourself in others shoes)
• (P.242)

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DANGER!

• If you open yourself up to be influenced you will
  be vulnerable.
• In order to influence, you need to be influenced.

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Diagnose before you prescribe (Touch)

• If you do not have confidence in your diagnosis
  you wont have confidence in the prescription.
  (P.244)
• Produce a product with out taking into account
  peoples needs, buying habits, or motivation.
• In order to influence, you need to be influenced.

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4 authobiographical responses

• Evaluate
• Probe
• Give advice
• Interpret
• Seek to understand
• Become logical
• Become emotional
• Seek for welfare of the individual
• (P.252-253)

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How we can come up with a WiN/WiN situation?

• UNDERSTAND THE SITUATION Take notes, sit on the
  same side but leave yourself/experiences aside.
• BECOME LOGICAL go back to empathic/ask questions
  
• BECOME EMOTIONAL cover ears/watch emotion.
• SEEK THE WELFARE OF THE INDIVIDUAL Describe the
  point of view and their proponents, let the
  person listen to you, and let them find the
  solution at their own pace and time.
• (P.258-259/252-253)