Conflict Management

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Conflict Management
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Some Basics for Preparing for Addressing Conflict

• Perceptions
• Emotions
• Timing

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Perceptions

• Whos right?
• Truth
• Why did it happen?
• Intent
• intent vs. impact
• Whose fault is it?
• Blame
• contribution

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Emotions

• Your reptilian brain
• Revenge

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Emotions

• Integral part of conflict
• Feelings are often at the heart of conflict
• Dont ignore
• yours
• theirs
• Manage them
• Understand them negotiate them

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Timing

• Should this be addressed?
• Is it affecting my behavior?
• Is it nagging my conscience?
• Am I taking the path of least resistance?
• Timing
• Short term
• Long term

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Create an effective atmosphere

• Personal preparation
• Timing
• Place
• Opening

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Personal Preparation

• Remember conflict isnt always negative
• Focus on understanding first
• Remember we
• Avoid predetermining a rigid solution (i.e.,
  interests not positions)

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Timing

• Choose when to engage in conflict resolution
• Enough time, free from distractions
• Choose time that maximizes both parties
  concentration and communication
• Choose a time the maximizes positive skills of
  both parties
• Do some groundwork
• Help the other party prepare
• No sneak attacks

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Place

• Non-threatening
• Promotes partnership
• Not offensive

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Opening comments (Think like a mediator)

• Establish collaborative atmosphere
• Establish interest in improving relationship
• Establish belief that improvement is possible
• Establish that its ok to disagree on some points
• Promote positive, realistic expectation
• Clarify time available

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Say what you mean. Dont make them guess

• Dont rely on subtext
• indirect questions, talking around the issue
• Avoid easing in
• How do you think youve done
• Use Me-Me And
• Im impressed with the productivity of your
  group and I would like you to provide more
  assistance to other groups when asked.

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Make Mutual Benefit Agreements

• Consider own needs
• Consider others needs

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Building Mutually Beneficial Relationships

• Deal with conflict in the context of the overall
  relationship
• Effective conflict resolution should improve the
  relationship
• Effective conflict resolution should result in
  mutual benefits
• Relationship building and conflict resolution are
  connected
• We (not I versus you)

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Learn from the Past

• Understand part played by the past
• Focus on present and future
• past, present, future
• the power of forgiveness

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Building Mutually Beneficial Relationships

• Deal with conflict in the context of the overall
  relationship
• Effective conflict resolution should improve the
  relationship
• Effective conflict resolution should result in
  mutual benefits
• Relationship building and conflict resolution are
  connected
• We (not I versus you)

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Leave with something tangible

• Develop Doables (think baby steps)
• A doable
• Stands a good chance of being accomplished
• requires the participation of all parties
• meets shared needs
• meets compatible individual need
• involves both parties working positively together
• builds trust, momentum, confidence
• improves relationship

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Dealing (repeatedly) with the same problem

• CPR
• Contentfirst time
• Patternsecond time
• Relationshipthird time