Love and Logic

1
Love and Logic

• Kathy Utter
• Kate Wessel

2
Introduction

• Love and Logic
• A strategy used to reduce the reactivity of
  adults to students by setting firm limits in
  caring ways without anger, lecture and threats.
  When students do cause problems, the adults hand
  the problem back to the student in caring ways
  that promote thinking.

3
Background

• Drill Sergeant approach
• Tends to activate the Emotional Brain
• Does not develop thinking skills
• Insulting to some kids
• Interferes with free will
• A.W. Atkinson, MD

4
Background

• Natural Consequences
• Good but often not sufficient
• Adding empathy helps to increase the chances of
  getting the thinking brain going
• Rewards, praise, stickers etc.
• Develops expectancy of always getting something
• Novelty wears off
• Some kids are immune--dont care
• Does not develop thinking skills
• A.W. Atkinson, MD

5
Background

• When we start feeling frustrated, we are
  entering the Emotional/Reactive Brain Zone.
• We are giving over our own control.
• We increase the students reactivity.
• A.W. Atkinson, MD

6
Background

• Love and Logic
• Calms the reactive brain with empathy and delayed
  consequences
• Encourages thinking skills with choices and use
  of problems solving with students
• One liners help staff to be less reactive
• A.W. Atkinson, MD

7
The Rules of Love and Logic

• RULE 1
• Use enforceable limits

8
The Rules of Love and Logic

• Rule 2
• Provide choices within limits.

9
The Rules of Love and Logic

• Rule 3
• Apply consequences with empathy.

10
Enforceable Limits

• Setting enforceable limits involves telling
  students how you will be acting and handling
  situations.

11
Enforceable Limits

• The effective application of limits requires that
  children have implied choices and be forced into
  thinking mode.
• This means that we are not telling kids what to
  do we are telling them what we will do. This is
  limit setting.

12
Enforceable Limits

• Turn Your Words Into Gold
• Get your finger out of your nose.
• I will listen to you when your fingers are not
  in your nose.
• Stop whining.
• I will listen as soon as your voice is as calm
  as mine.
• You show some respect.
• I will be glad to discuss this when respect is
  shown

13
Choices Within Limits

• Give 99 of your choices when things are going
  well.
• Make deposits into the Choices Saving Account
• Give choices before the student becomes
  resistant.
• For each choice give two options, each of which
  you like.
• If your student does not make a timely choice,
  make the choice for him/her.

14
Choices Within Limits

• Delivery is important
• Youre welcome to--or--
• Feel free to--or--
• Would you rather--or--
• What would be best for you--or--

15
Choice Within Limits

• Assigning math problems
• Bathroom breaks
• Free time
• Homework

16
Choices Within Limits

• Power Struggles
• Often times winning a power struggle is more
  important to a child than making a good decision,
  particularly if the child feels that he/she does
  not have much control over things.

17
Choices Within Limits

• Take a Savings Account approach
• Make frequent deposits when things are going
  well. Use phrases such as Thats your choice,
  and You decide.
• When you need to make a withdrawal it is easier
  because the child sees you sharing control. Use
  phrases such as, Dont I let you make a lot of
  the choices? Well, this time I need to decide.

18
Choices Within Limits

• Dont be afraid to say, I usually give choices,
  but not this time.
• Never give a choice unless you are willing to let
  the child experience the consequence of that
  choice
• Never give choices when a child is in a dangerous
  situation
• Never give choices unless you are willing to make
  the choice if the child does not

19
Choices Within Limits

• Shared Control
• We either give control on our terms, or the kids
  will take it on theirs.
• Do I want to control kids or do I want to obtain
  their cooperation?
• We need control over our lives. When we dont
  get it, we go after control over others.

20
Consequences With Empathy

• The effective teacher administers consequences
  with empathy and understanding, as apposed to
  anger and lecture.
• When adults respond with anger and lectures,
  children often transform their sorrow into anger
  with the adult--the lesson may be lost.

21
Consequences with Empathy

• No behavior technique will have a lasting,
  positive result if it is not delivered with
  compassion, empathy, or understanding.
• Teaching with Love and Logic

22
Consequences With Empathy

• The child is not distracted by the adults anger.
• The child must own his or her pain rather than
  blaming it on the adult.
• The adult-child relationship is maintained.
• The child is much less likely to seek revenge.
• The adult is seen as being able to handle
  problems without breaking a sweat.
• The child learns through modeling to use empathy
  with others.

23
Consequences With Empathy

• How to Destroy the Teaching Value of Logical
  Consequences
• Say, This will teach you a good lesson.
• Display anger or disgust
• Explain the value of the consequence
• Talk too much
• Feel sorry and give in
• Contrive a consequence for the purpose of getting
  even

24
Consequences with Empathy

• Problems with Immediate Consequences
• Most of us have great difficulty thinking of one
  while we are teaching.
• We own the problem rather than handing it back
  to the student. We do more thinking than the
  child.
• We are forced to react while we and the student
  are upset.

25
Consequences with Empathy

• Problems with Immediate Consequences
• We dont have time to anticipate how the
  student, his/her parents, our administrators, and
  others will react to our response.
• We dont have time to put together a reasonable
  plan.
• We often end up making threats we cant back up.

26
Consequences with Empathy

• Problems with Immediate Consequences
• We generally fail to deliver a strong dose of
  empathy before providing the consequence.
• Every day we live in fear that some student will
  do something that we wont know how to handle
  with an immediate consequence.

27
Consequences with Empathy

• This is sad. Im going to have to do something
  about this. But not now, later.

28
Consequences With Empathy

• Delayed Consequence
• Consequences do not need to be delivered
  immediately.
• Take time to develop a plan.
• Include the student in the development of the
  consequence by using the problem solving steps.

29
Consequences with Empathy

• Problem Solving Steps
• Empathy How sad. Bummer.
• Send the power message What do you think you
  are going to do?
• Offer choices Would you like to hear what
  other kids have tried.
• Have the child state the consequences And how
  would that work for you?
• Give permission for the child to either solve or
  not solve the problem Good luck. I hope it
  works out for you.

30
Bonus Features

• The One Sentence Intervention
• Ive noticed that__________. Ive noticed
  that.
• Do this twice a week for at least three weeks.

31
Bonus Features

• Neutralize student arguing
• Go Brain Dead
• Choose a one-liner
• I respect you too much to argue.
• I bet it feels that way.
• Could be.
• Do not attempt to think--Become a broken record.
  Keep voice soft.

32
Bonus Features

• Love and Logic Classroom Rules
• I will treat you with respect so you will know
  how to treat me.
• Feel free to do anything that does not cause a
  problem for anyone else.
• If you cause a problem, Ill ask you to solve it.

33
Bonus Features

• Love and Logic Classroom Rules Continued
• If you cant solve the problem or chose not to, I
  will do something.
• What I do will depend on the special person and
  the special circumstances.
• If you feel something is unfair, whisper to me,
  I dont think thats fair, and we will talk.

34
Bonus Features

• Teaseproof Your Students
• Put on your cool look
• Use a one liner, Thanks for telling me.
• Walk away
• Share with teacher in private

35
Resources

• www.loveandlogic.com
• Contact Kathy Utter to check out Love and Logic
  resources such as DVDs, CDs, and books.

36
Bibliography

• Teaching with Love and Logic
• Jim Fay and David Funk
• Calming the Reactive Brain
• presentation by A.W. Atkinson, MD