Criticism and Confrontation

1
Criticism and Confrontation

• Nurturing Parenting
• Section 10.5
• GOAL
• To Increase Parents Ability to Use Confrontation
  Instead of Criticism

2
OBJECTIVES

• To Help Parents Realize Destructive Effects of
  Criticism.
• To Help Parents Learn To Confront Instead of
  Criticize.
• To Provide Practice in Confrontation for Parents.

3
Differences Between Criticism and Confrontation

• Criticism leaves a person feeling badly about
  themselves.
• The person feels worthless, terrible, and
  inadequate as an entire person.
• Confrontation leaves a person knowing they have
  done something you dont like, but still feels
  positive about themselves.

4
Differences Between Criticism and Confrontation
(cont)

• The difference between criticism and
  confrontation is the feelings the person is left
  with.
• Criticism uses blaming You Messages.

5
Lets Practice

1. All adults form into pairs.
2. Each person will get a chance to experience being
   confronted and criticism by the other.
3. Have one person identify themselves as Person A,
   the other as Person B.
4. Have each pair identify an issue that is a
   problem for them, as the basis for practicing
   criticism and confrontation.

6
Lets Practice (cont)

• First, Person A should criticize Person B.
• The person being criticized cannot say anything
  back or defend themselves.
• The criticism should go on for 15 seconds.

7
Lets Practice (cont)

• When Person A is finished criticizing Person B,
  switch roles.
• Person B criticizes Person A for the same issue.
• Again, conduct the exercise for 15 seconds.

8
How Did You Feel?

• How did you feel about being criticized?
• How did you feel about criticizing?
• Was there a position, criticizing or being
  criticized, easier than the other?
• Please relate an experience at home where you
  were criticized and was criticized by someone
  else.
• Share the feelings of both experiences.

9
Lets Practice again on Confrontation

1. All adults form into pairs.
2. Each person will get a chance to experience being
   confronted by the other.
3. Have one person identify themselves as Person A,
   the other as Person B.
4. Have each pair identify an issue that is a
   problem for them, as the basis for practicing
   confrontation.

10
Lets Practice (cont)

• First, Person A should confront Person B.
• Remember, confrontation does not tear people
  down.
• One way to confront someone is to use the I
  statement and to take ownership of ones
  feelings.

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I Statements

• I statements do not blame someone else for the
  way a person feels.
• I statements communicate a thought or feeling
  that you have, that is yours and yours alone.
• You own everything you say and blame on one.

12
Each parent fill in the missing words by writing
the Following

• I Feel _______ (state a feeling)
• when _______ (describe the exact behavior)
• because ______ (state the need that relates
  to that feeling and any thought or
  belief related to it).
• What I want is ________ (describe the exact
  behavior that would meet the need).

13
Lets Practice (cont)

• When Person A is finished confronting Person B,
  switch roles.
• Person B confronts Person A for the same issue.
• Again, conduct the exercise for 15 seconds.

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How Did You Feel?

• How did you feel about being confronted?
• How did you feel about confronting someone else?
• As opposed to being criticized?
• Was one approach easier or more difficult than
  the other?

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Self Growth Lesson Criticism, confrontation, and
Rules for Fair Fighting

• Use Parent Handbook, page 109.
• Arguments can quickly get out of hand when people
  use blaming You Messages.
• To ensure that neither person in the argument
  emotionally hurts the other person, follow the
  rules given below

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Rules of Engagement

• Decide upon a time limit before you begin and
  STICK TO IT.
• Decide how many zaps you will permit before you
  (or the other person) walk out.
• Choose one problem per session.
• Try to stay in the present.
• Stick to the point.
• Own your own feelings.
• Listen to the other person.

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• If people never confront others, bad things
  happen to them, such as getting walked all over,
  blowing up at their kids when they are angry at
  someone else, and not getting their own needs
  met.
• If people always confront others, bad things
  happen, such as not having any friends or anyone
  who even dares to be around you. So, a balance
  is necessary.
• PICK YOUR BATTLES!