Attachment parenting, gender roles and inequalities of care

1
Attachment parenting, gender roles and
(in)equalities of care

• Charlotte Faircloth
• Department of Social Anthropology University of
  Cambridge

2
THE ABCS OF ATTACHMENT PARENTING

• When you practice the Baby Bs of AP, your
  child has a greater chance of growing up with the
  qualities of the As and Cs
• As Bs Cs
• Accomplished Birth bonding Caring
• Adaptable Breastfeeding Communicative
• Adept Babywearing Compassionate
• Admirable Bedding close to baby Confident
• Affectionate Belief in babys cry Connected
• Anchored Balance and boundaries Cuddly
• Assured Beware of baby trainers Curious
• Sears (20014)

3
La Leche Leagues Mission

• Our Mission is to help mothers worldwide to
  breastfeed through mother-to-mother support,
  encouragement, information, and education, and to
  promote a better understanding of breastfeeding
  as an important element in the healthy
  development of the baby and mother.
• From LLLI Policies and Standing Rules Notebook,
  May 89

4
La Leche Leagues Philosophy

• Mothering through breastfeeding is the most
  natural and effective way of understanding and
  satisfying the needs of the baby.
• Mother and baby need to be together early and
  often to establish a satisfying relationship and
  an adequate milk supply.
• In the early years the baby has an intense need
  to be with his mother which is as basic as his
  need for food.
• Breast milk is the superior infant food.
• For the healthy, full-term baby, breast milk is
  the only food necessary until the baby shows
  signs of needing solids, about the middle of the
  first year after birth.
• Ideally the breastfeeding relationship will
  continue until the baby outgrows the need.
• Alert and active participation by the mother in
  childbirth is a help in getting breastfeeding off
  to a good start.
• Breastfeeding is enhanced and the nursing couple
  sustained by the loving support, help, and
  companionship of the baby's father. A father's
  unique relationship with his baby is an important
  element in the child's development from early
  infancy.
• Good nutrition means eating a well-balanced and
  varied diet of foods in as close to their natural
  state as possible.
• From infancy on, children need loving guidance
  which reflects acceptance of their capabilities
  and sensitivity to their feelings.
• From LLLI publication No. 300-17, "La Leche
  League Purpose and Philosophy.")

5
A feminist organisation?

• Exalting womens capacity to mother has
  contradictory implications for efforts to end
  womens subordination, as some use a
  woman-centred perspective to empower women whilst
  others use biological essentialism to constrain
  womens opportunities
• Blum and Vandewater 2003 297

6
Charlotte Can you give me 3 reasons why you
wanted to breastfeed, and keep breastfeeding?

• Only three? I think there are social reasons,
  health reasons physical, emotional,
  psychological and the third one, political
  reasons I guess. On a physical health reason,
  there are a lot of things that are good for the
  baby and the mother. Butalmost more important,
  is experiencing how breastfeeding fulfils so many
  needs of the baby, especially the newborn, and
  how it does it in such a perfect way. To not
  use what is given for free, for the best
  possible nourishment in so many levels, it is
  almost like a wasting of a resource wasting the
  gift, wasting the opportunities I think it is a
  bit arrogant towards nature. It is also linked to
  the political level Not supporting the world,
  the planet the earth just something you can
  exploit for your benefit and discard. Later she
  said, in terms of social reasons I think there
  was an impact from non-breastfeeding
  practicesand I think a lot of the problems that
  we have are linked to that, not just to pollution
  and all that stuff. I dont know the atomisation
  of society, the disconnection.
• (Ivana, Leader Applicant, 38,breastfeeding her 3
  year old)

7
Primates and Primitives
8
Mothering Magazine

• All basic needs of the baby must be met through
  a relationship with a caregiver. In order to
  maintain emotional equilibrium, babies require a
  consistent and committed relationship with one
  caring person. As you might expect, the research
  indicates that the person best suited for this
  relationship is the mother

9

• Chloe Long standing Anglophone Leader Yeah. I
  mean I had never planned on staying at home with
  my child. I had a full time job, I was going to
  go back, and I did. And I quit 2 weeks later. It
  wasnt easy to make that decision. It never
  occurred to me that I would quit. You know, that
  I would fall in love with this baby, that just
  wasnt part of the plan. You know, I was going to
  pump my milk by hand, as there were no pumps
  yet and it works perfectly well, and that was
  working. But I just couldnt bear it. I couldnt
  bear leaving him.

10
That is what they are for

• I remember when he was born and started
  breastfeeding, and I did remember in relation to
  my breasts because of our society and the
  culture we are in, and that sort of thing
  thinking oh my god, that is what they are forAnd
  so it wasnt so much that I was wandering into
  the realms of extended breastfeeding, but more
  that, this is what I am designed for to mother
  this baby. This is what I am programmed to feel
  and to do. You know, it feels natural, and
  theres a reason it feels natural. That was the
  biggest stone that dropped really, yeah. It was
  amazing, not to know now I look back. Those
  first three days in the hospital. You know, to
  realise what they are for.
• (Megan, 41, breastfeeding her 4 year old son)

11

• Patricia 30, breastfeeding her 1 year old son.
  Questionnaire response The only downside I feel
  is that I have to do this on my own and although
  my husband is very supportive I am aware that
  part of him would like me to breastfeed less so
  that his involvement could be more, and my
  sons dependence on me would lessen. I also
  feel that my husband has no support or source
  of information (or time to read), so that
  everything he learns comes from me (from LLL
  groups and reading etc) so that, for example, he
  was quite shocked when I said I would probably be
  breastfeeding for a few more years. He said he
  felt left out of the decision-making on that.
  Also breastfeeding is tied to almost everything
  else you do as a mother, most of all how you
  comfort your child and how you get them to sleep.
  So I feel quite responsible for being the
  driving force behind key decisions that we make
  about how we parent.

12

• Lauren (42, breastfeeding her 2 year old
  daughter) Well, he has moved here on the sofa bed
  she is getting bigger and takes more space. So he
  moved here. And erm, we just sleep so badly the 3
  together in the same bed. If he were in harmony
  with us it would be possible, but he doesnt
  understand the harmony. I mean when she turns, I
  turn. I mean, thats a bit of a cliché, but there
  is something in it. A man and a woman sleep
  together in a certain way, and a man and a baby
  and woman sleep together in a different way. And
  my husband just doesnt fit into this threesome
  at all... Maybe its the, road to divorce. I
  dont know, I dont care. Im fed up. My baby is
  my priority. And I have always said it. And I
  have spoken to my other women friends and they
  say of course your baby is your priority! It is
  biological. And I just think that it is maybe
  something men just cant understand, and get
  jealous about or something. And I dont know,
  maybe I triggers feelings of abandonment or
  something. Who knows? But my priority is
  definitely with my child. Of course I would love
  to split up from my husband, but I am financially
  dependent on him.

13

• Virginia 24, breastfeeding her 17 month old
  daughter I cant explain it, but you just know
  that its the right thing to do. I dont know how
  I know, but I do. Its just something I feel so
  strongly. Youll know too when you have your own
  children.

14

• Klein understands that it is not only the baby
  who needs to be filled, it is not only the babys
  desires that matter the mother needs to be
  filled with milk and desire too... This is not a
  martyrdom or a sacrifice of one to the other, but
  a full emotional understanding between mother
  and child Drawing on her own experiences, she
  says You always want to stuff your fingers in my
  mouth while I nurse you you want me to suck
  tooYou cannot speak yet, and I cannot speak with
  your fingers in my mouth, but we have things to
  teach each other, you and I, knowledge to share
  like a feast that has been divinely blessed. You
  smile at me dumbly, and I smile back, and we know
  what we mean.
• (Sutherland 1999 18)